It’s always the Mother’s fault

December 7, 2009 at 6:45 am 6 comments

     I’m pretty sure all the things I swore as a child that I would never say to my own children have come out of my mouth in the last four hours. From, “Because I said so,” to “Mommy and Daddy make the rules, not you,” I have broken all those childhood promises to myself in a very short amount of time. Geologically speaking, anyway, because the last four hours felt like an eon or twelve.

     Yet like all good dysfunctions, I’m pretty sure I can blame this one on my mother. The price we pay, and it is the absolutely only price we pay, for having C spend a night at Ga and Pa’s house, is a complete hellion when we get home – to the point where Husband laughingly asked me to call Ga this evening and ask why she took all of C’s good behavior.

     It never fails; we pick up C from “Grandma camp,” as we call it, and get the report that it was all sweetness and light. After all, it always is when C is with someone other than us, which leaves us no conclusion to which we can arrive except that we are exceptionally bad parents. Well, that’s the conclusion at which I arrive; Husband is far smarter than I. He knows, and fully believes, that a) C saves his worst behavior for the ones he loves the most; or b) that C works really hard to hold it together at school, for example, and then has to unload when he comes home, or c) C dumps on us because he subconsciously he knows he can and that we will still love him after it’s over.

     It’s not as if he gets away with anything at Ga and Pa’s house – far from it. The kicker is that he doesn’t really even try to get away with anything at their house. Or school, for that matter. The Dr. Phil in me says that we are doing something wrong at home that sends C the message that it is okay to test each and every boundary as many times as possible in a single hour. But I think I’ll go with Husband on this one and choose option “a.”

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

I’m just one of those mothers Survivor, my style

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. pixiemama  |  December 7, 2009 at 8:19 am

    *sigh*

    Reply
  • 2. mama edge  |  December 7, 2009 at 10:23 am

    Dr. Phil knows beans about autism. You are a great mother.

    Reply
  • 3. Shivon  |  December 7, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    the testing of boundaries! My favorite…yeah not so much. I try to find some happiness in that they can trust us with their worst.

    Reply
  • 4. therocchronicles  |  December 8, 2009 at 7:15 am

    I remember swearing to myself that I wouldn’t turn into my mother….and I hear her all the time! The phrases! The Roc is the SAME–worst at home, and worst with ME. He behaves better for his father than for me. The psychologist at the children’s hospital tried to make me feel like a bad mother “hmmm…..so he behaves the worst for you….why do you think that is???” It’s the MOM FACTOR I wanted to scream at her!

    Reply
  • 5. robinaltman  |  December 8, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    I’m with husband on all his theories. Could he cover for me when I go to Boston over Christmas?

    My kids used to do this every time they stayed with any of their grandparents. The only time this didn’t happen was when we sent them to sleep away camp for a month one summer. My conclusion was that it was best to just get rid of them. Adam refused to support me on that. Now they’re teenagers, and he regrets his contrariness.

    Reply
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It’s all autism, all the time.

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