To all the girls he’s loved before…

November 9, 2009 at 4:40 pm 4 comments

     C loves the ladies. And they love him back. From his early days of charming grandmotherly types at the post office and calling every woman he saw a “pretty lady,” it’s always been about the girls. There’s a few he’s left behind; most notably the “it” girl of elementary school, if there is such a thing. He adored her from afar, and from not so afar, as he asked her every day the first few months of school if he could sit with her at lunch. Given that she said “no, thank you” every single time (at least she was polite, I suppose), I’m hoping he finally realized that some things just aren’t worth it. Silly girl – she doesn’t know what she missed.

     Yet there’s one girl C has left behind that tugs at my heartstrings. A non-verbal, special needs girl who was in his class last year. C worshipped her. Every day he would rush to school so he could play with her in the sand while waiting for the morning bell to ring. Hours upon hours added up of their sitting in the sand together at recess and before school. She never spoke save a few words in sign language, but I believe her love of him was as deep as his for her. They hugged each other dearly every morning when they first arrived.

     This year, however, she’s not in C’s class, and one member of his team suggested that it was good for him as he needed to move on from her. “He needs to grow beyond her instead of ‘hiding’ with her,” the team member said, and I knew she was right. But I also know why C loved her so; she was safe. Aside from being completely sweet and lovable herself, she never turned him down when he wanted to play with her, never said an unkind word, and always welcomed him with open arms. Who wouldn’t love that?

     C cried when he found out she wouldn’t be in his class this year as his little heart broke into a thousand pieces. He got over it as he settled into his new class and started making friends. Yet every morning when we walk onto the playground before school, she turns his way, her little face lighting up in the tiniest of ways. And unless I point her out, C just doesn’t see her anymore. He has moved on, which makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

Be careful what you wish for I mark the years in tennis balls

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. robinaltman  |  November 9, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    Oh, that’s so sad and sweet! The poor little girl. I hope she moves forward, too. I bet C has a little place in his heart for her, still. It’s so wonderful that he is making friends and feeling accepted, but I guess a little loss of innocence is inevitable when you join the “social norm”.

    My younger son, the one who was very awkward when he was younger, is Mr. Popular in high school. I’m happy for him, but I hate it in some ways. He had one friend in elementary school. A very nice kid, D, who played computer and video games with him all day long. D still plays those games, but Alex wants to play soccer and lacrosse with new friends. I know it’s healthy, but I’m sad for the old video playing friend, D. Alex assures me that D has his own friends, and he’s happy, but I wish I knew for sure.

    The great thing about this girl is that EVERYONE loves her. She has a zillion little caretakers and friends, but I can tell she misses C. He was so focused on her, and now he’s just not. It’s not that he’s not nice to her; she’s just no longer on his radar screen. 😦

    Reply
  • 2. awalkabout  |  November 9, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    oh wow. That made me sad, too. It’s like we’re making it okay what all the other kids do to our kids, set them aside and move on. I’m not disagreeing that it was important or appropriate. But how sad anyone has to choose.

    I know – and I know the team member said it knowing how C is – that he fixates on one person to the exclusion of all others. And last year, he pretty much fixated on this little girl, and they wanted to make sure he didn’t do that again. I hope C is able to gain some balance in these situations in the future.

    Reply
  • 3. therocchronicles  |  November 10, 2009 at 8:15 am

    aww, how sad for her and for you to witness it. That does really pull on your heart. Glad to read that she has many who love and take care of her. Hopefully in the future C will be able to balance these things out. There is so much about them growing up that is hard – much harder than we ever anticipated right?!

    The “pretty lady” thing reminded me of when the Roc used to say “Hey Lady” in this funny way to every woman we would see when he was little! Cracked everyone up!

    Reply
  • 4. Ghkcole  |  November 13, 2009 at 7:14 am

    In time perhaps they will both be in new places where they can enjoy a friendship together again. One can hope…

    Reply

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