No middle ground

June 1, 2009 at 4:49 am 12 comments

     In C’s black and white world, there’s not much wiggle room; things either are or they aren’t, they will or they won’t, they do or they don’t. What I’ve realized is that for C, they mostly are, will, or do. He’s incredibly kind hearted and seems to forgive even the worst transgressions.

     This year especially, I’ve tried to explain to him how a child who is mean to him might have had a rough day, or maybe all they know is how to pick on someone else. Ever the bleeding heart, I am reluctant to attribute the word “bad” to a child, any child, even the one being unkind to my own.

     But in the last few days of school, I was pushed over the edge. Between one child calling C a “d&*k,” another shoving him repeatedly at morning line-up despite C’s sobs, and yet another birthday party to which C was not invited, I gave up. I figured it was time to explain to C the facts of life. Some people (and therefore some kids, I suppose) are just mean. I told him there would always be people that were unfriendly to him, and the trick was to get as far away from them as possible. 

     Finally ready to give in to C’s black and white world was I. It’s okay, I told him, to not like people. We don’t have to try and explain away their behavior and give them the benefit of the doubt. Yet C, in his effervescent generosity, reminded me he just is who he is by saying, “But Mom, I like everybody.”

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , .

The core of the matter There’s no room for boredom

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. pixiemama  |  June 1, 2009 at 11:25 am

    C could give seminars on how to remain grounded in times of adversity; how to truly love one another; how to avoid foods to maintain weight loss…

    Reply
    • 2. asdmommy  |  June 4, 2009 at 9:02 pm

      Yup, think that was a bit over the edge, but I understand. 😉

  • 3. pixiemama  |  June 1, 2009 at 11:27 am

    OK – the weight loss one might have been in poor taste – I’m fighting the urge to eat to stay awake for two days.

    Reply
  • 4. FXSmom  |  June 1, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Awww….how innocent and beautiful to like everybody. It’s a tough one. Kids can be so so cruel.

    Reply
  • 5. therocchronicles  |  June 2, 2009 at 3:34 am

    He’s a very neat little boy! The Roc is always telling me he doesn’t like something or someone, he doesn’t really mean it, but it sounds horrible!!

    Reply
    • 6. asdmommy  |  June 4, 2009 at 9:02 pm

      I think they go in extremes, right? It’s always one end of the spectrum or the other, it seems.

  • 7. Holly's Mom  |  June 2, 2009 at 3:55 am

    what an amazing capacity he has…. I dare say I attribute at least in part some of it to his amazing mom.

    Reply
  • 8. goodmum  |  June 2, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    Oh, bless his sweet little, no, huge, heart. We could all learn from him. I need to take a page from his book.

    Reply
    • 9. asdmommy  |  June 4, 2009 at 9:01 pm

      Don’t we all!

  • 10. jlewicky  |  June 3, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    What a sweetheart! Jon is non-verbal, but if he doesn’t like something, you know it. I’ve never seen him not like anyBODY, though, now that I think about it.
    It must have been so hard for you to explain that to him, but I think you did the right thing.

    Reply
  • 11. mommy~dearest  |  June 4, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    That just melts my heart. 🙂

    Reply
  • 12. liza  |  June 6, 2009 at 7:02 am

    this sounds SO familiar. i believe i’ve had the exact same conversation with my little guy this year!

    Reply

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