The mirror has two faces

November 17, 2008 at 8:52 pm 5 comments

When you have a child, it’s as though someone has held up a mirror in front of your very soul. With a special needs child, the mirror just happens to be the magnifying kind. All the inadequacies you could hide before becoming a mother come out of their respective corners fighting for control – not in your child, but in yourself. Every fault you have is exaggerated and multiplied, and you find yourself wondering why your child has to pay the price for your own personal demons. You do things, wondering how many years of therapy it’s going to cost your child down the road, but not being able to figure out another way. You simply are who you are, much like your child is who he is. Yet there is a flip side, thankfully. All the benevolent qualities you possess seem to come out as well. The gifts you give to your child are the very best parts of what you have, and they are given with abandon. It’s not that your child has a piece of your heart, but rather a piece of your very self.

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Entry filed under: autism.

Ode to a french fry C-isms, Part X

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jamie  |  November 17, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    Amen Sistah!!!! I’ve had very similar experiences lately. This little being who is so much me… All the worst traits seem pronounced. I keep reminding myself that God gave me THIS child for a reason!

    It’s true – sometimes I just wish I knew what the reason WAS, you know? I’m such a knowledge person – I want answers. Perhaps that’s why this child is mine – there simply are no answers, and I need to learn that lesson. But again, I say, why does my kid have to suffer through my muddled parenting for the lessons I have to learn??? Grrr…

    Reply
  • 2. robinaltman  |  November 17, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    It’s really interesting – my boys’ bad qualities were obviously obtained from their father, and all their good qualities came from me. It’s weird how it worked out that way.

    I reserved them a place in a child analyst’s office when they were born. Good way to avoid a waiting list.

    That’s probably a really good idea, the reservation. 😉 You know, it is totally the EXACT opposite here – good stuff from Dad, bad stuff from Mom. And even I, in all my denial, can’t deny that. It drives me bonkers!

    Reply
  • 3. Trish @ Another Piece of the Puzzle  |  November 18, 2008 at 6:59 am

    This is so very true! I see things in my son and think, that’s not autism – that’s me. 🙂

    Thanks for saying it so eloquently.

    It’s true, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference!

    Reply
  • 4. asdmommy  |  November 18, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    It’s funny – I realized I mis-wrote. I really wasn’t talking about passing along traits to my child, but rather that I felt all of my own inadequacies – as well as strengths – more acutely. But after your comments and re-reading, I realize that I hadn’t been clear! It does work both ways, however, but I have now fixed it!

    Reply
  • 5. Holly's Mom  |  November 18, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    This does work both ways, specifically being a Fragile X Pre-Mutation Carrier, I see little quarks of mine that I never knew were related to Fragile X that I now see in Holly already, but I also see how my own personality comes out more when I interact with Holly, I feel and do everything times 10.

    Sometimes it feels as though all my son’s difficult traits came from me, and the lovely ones from Husband. It drives me crazy, because I was hoping all those difficult traits would be done with ME, and not be passed on to my little one! It is amazing what they teach us, isn’t it? And if we’re doing everything x10 no wonder we’re all so tired!!

    Reply

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