The tide comes in, the tide goes out

October 26, 2008 at 7:37 pm 6 comments

     A scourge has hit our household; one with the destructive force unparalleled except perhaps by locusts or tornadoes, although I see the similarities, quite frankly. “Defiance” with a capital “D” has landed in our roost. I’m not sure exactly when it started, yet I suspect if I really sat down to analyze it I would see the precursors many years ago. At first I thought it was perhaps a delayed developmental stage, but this two year old “NO” kind of thing is way past its time, delayed or not.

     Usually no one but Husband and I witness C’s most deplorable behaviors, so I admit to sometimes needing a reality check about how bad (or not bad) they truly are. People (translation: my Mom) tend to be skeptical about the extent of problematic behavior we experience at home, mostly because he rarely exhibits it elsewhere or in front of anyone but us. Enter a road trip, complete with Ga (aforementioned “Mom”), C and I last week during fall break. San Diego called, and we wanted C to see the ocean for his first time. The trip was great; Legoland, Sea World, and the beach all competed for the most fun day, and C did really well handling it all. It wasn’t until the last night, probably completely worn out from the week, that C pulled his worst behavior out of his hat. My Mom was stunned. It prompted a long conversation after C fell asleep about what’s been going on at our house. C repeated the behavior the next morning. A screamed “NO, I WILL NOT DO THAT!!!! AAAAAHHCCKKK! I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING YOU ASK ME TO AGAIN!!!” complete with other gobble-dy gook I’d rather forget left Mom speechless. 

     We piled in the car and came home, leaving Husband and I to do a behavior boot camp this weekend. Lots of long faces from us and talks about being respectful, a few toys lost, some favorite shows erased, and the jury is still out as to whether we’ve made any progress. Like other problematic behaviors we’ve experienced in the past, this one will hopefully go out like the tide. I’m just worried about what comes in after.

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , .

C-isms, Part IX The Dichotomy of Autism

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. goodmum  |  October 26, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    Ugh. I only WISH I could say that Little Man has saved his worst behaviour for us, his parents. Unfortunately, he has no filter and doesn’t care if others see his nastiness. Thankfully (I shouldn’t even type this, because I’ll regret it-I know I will), the raging outbursts have been few and far between, of late. I’m so going to regret saying that…..

    I hope the tide goes out and brings only good things back with it when it comes back in! 😉

    Hang in there!

    I am thankful he doesn’t do these kinds of things at school, but it always worried me, just a bit, that he only does it at home because we’re such terrible parents!!! It’s hard not to think that way when you talk about behavior challenges at an IEP meeting and everyone has a blank look…

    Reply
  • 2. Good Fountain  |  October 26, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    Chee saves her worst behavior for at home too.

    We are going through some defiance here too. Man, oh man, I hope it doesn’t last 2 years!!

    I hope your boot camp worked at least a little!

    Here’s hoping Chee’s defiance is a thing of the past in no time! And C’s! It’s been the most frustrating phase for me. The jury’s still out on boot camp. I keep reminding myself there’s such a thing as an “extinction burst” before a behavior goes away. I’m not sure where we are in all of it, but I’m hoping it’s just GONE soon!

    Reply
  • 3. StatMom  |  October 27, 2008 at 9:48 am

    Ah, glad it’s not just us. Everyone thinks my daughter is an angel. HAHAHA. She’s a good kid, but good god can she be defiant and difficult at home. I think she saves up all of her stresses and lets them out when she feels comfortable or something.

    I bet you feel somewhat relieved to have a witness 😉

    Yes, “witness” is exactly right! I too comfort myself by saying he works so hard to hold it together at school and then comes home and DUMPS it all out for us to see. Grrr…

    Reply
  • 4. Natalie Spontak  |  October 27, 2008 at 10:26 am

    Hi! I’m a new reader of your blog. Found you through some other blogs I read. How old is C? Hannah has also had a defiant streak of late. I’m about ready to pull my hair out. She also usually saves her worst for at home, but has lately started dropping some bombs when we’ve been out. That has not been fun. 😦 Hopefully you’ll be through this phase soon.
    Natalie

    C is 7 1/2. At least I know I’m not alone in this! I always feel like my kid is the only one doing things like this. I hope it passes soon. Thanks for visiting!

    Reply
  • 5. pixiemama  |  October 27, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    Please let me know if you hit on anything that works during your boot camp. Foster doesn’t seem to register the long faces, and when we take anything away, he simply retorts “I don’t care!” reminding me of the Maurice Sendak book, Pierre.

    The long faces have to be worn with verbal commentary pointing them out…lol! And we have the problem of not caring also – there are very few things C cares about enough to make an impact, and there’s no way in the world I’m taking his blankie away from him. So we’re caught between a rock and a hard place also. No great changes yet, but we shall see. We had to try something, so tightening up more than usual might do the trick!

    Reply
  • 6. robinaltman  |  October 27, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    I vote for “it will die out eventually”. Behavioral bootcamp sounded good.

    They have to go through a “no” phase sometimes or they’ll never break away. At least that’s how I console myself with my teenager. Sigh.

    I suppose it could be a sign of independence….I just wish it could be said in a nicer way. It reminds me of how I was as a teenager, and it seems either drastically too young or drastically too old for him, you know? I guess as my Mom always says, “This too shall pass.” I can only hope!

    Reply

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