“I had a very bad day,”

June 4, 2008 at 8:33 pm 2 comments

C said tonight. He’s right, he did. Starting with the 2:30 a.m. wake-up with many, many tears, a night of restless sleep became a restless day. A somewhat happy kid deteriorated into the equivalent of a two year old. We never experienced the terrible twos at our house; we naively thought we escaped them until 4 came along. Then we paid our dues for a good long while. In spades.

     Temper tantrums were finally mostly a thing of the past – until the last few months, when they started to rear their ugly head once again. Fortunately, they haven’t changed too much since age 4, so we’ve slowly gotten better at handling them. Not handling them, really, but rather just getting through them somewhat emotionally intact. I’m talking about Mommy and Daddy getting through them, not C. C is still left completely drained, teary, and wanting to snuggle. Surprisingly, today he still had the energy for a second one a few hours later, which quite frankly amazed me.

     I hate these tantrums with a passion. Sure he was tired, cranky and frazzled today. But he threw both these tantrums with one of his therapists, which is unheard of. He never shows that side of himself to anyone but people he knows better than well – family only, and not even all family. I consider it a good thing he feels comfortable enough with Miss L to lose it in front of her, but in truth it astounded me. Worried me. I know whatever it is that’s bothering him is pretty bad when he lets it all hang out with someone he’s always trying to impress. 

     I know there’s a trigger somewhere, and I also know I’ll probably never know what that trigger is. Whatever it is, it’s something ongoing, as they are occurring more frequently lately. My Mom reminded me today that we have a toddler in the house, but interestingly she wasn’t talking about the tantrums. Yet she’s correct in many ways, and while I struggle with the knowledge that he is mostly capable of controlling himself, I know there are times he simply can’t. And while part of me wants to admonish him for his behavior – he is, after all, smart enough to know that 7 year olds don’t act this way – most of me knows the behavior itself is punishment enough.

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Goldie  |  June 5, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    ahhh the tanrums. they are so difficult. and your comment “most of me knows the behavior itself is punishment enough.” really hit home with me. I remember feeling sorry for my son and wondering how scary it must be for him to feel so out of control.
    =(

    I know – at some point over the years I have come to reason that he simply can’t control himself in those moments. I feel sorry for him at that point too. I know he’s frustrated when it happens.

    Reply
  • 2. Movin’ on « What We Need  |  June 11, 2008 at 8:52 am

    […] had to say was the day of the double temper tantrums in C’s ”very bad day” (see here). A dear friend, who has a son with autism, told me it was the world reminding me that yes, C is […]

    Reply

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