It’s broke, so how do I fix it?

February 28, 2008 at 5:17 pm 2 comments

     If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, but what if it is broke?    

    What do we do when the tools we give our children don’t work? I watched C playing ball with a group of boys the other day, and because he’s so much smaller than the other kids, he could rarely actually get to the ball fast enough. Whenever he did, another boy always wrestled it away from him. He used all the scripts we’ve given him about sharing and asking for his turn, but nothing worked. He ended up in tears on several occasions and I ended up facilitating a sharing game with the group of boys.

     I always come away from these situations frustrated with our interventions, therapies, and parents who don’t instill kindness in their children. I know boys will be boys, and I also know these boys aren’t mean kids, but when one child is the only one being singled out again and again, it crosses a line for me. I encourage C to find something else to do when he’s presented with kids who don’t follow the rules of being nice, but this is largely unsatisfying to him as he so desperately wants to participate. As adults we are able to recognize that if we’re playing with someone who is not being nice, we don’t have to play with that person anymore.

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , .

The oldest profession Something to think about

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. jesch30  |  February 28, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    Not all adults recognize that…

    Scary, but true, sadly. I want to live in a world where everyone is nice! Guess that’s a topic for another blog…lol!

    Reply
  • 2. FXSmom  |  February 29, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    I had to read that book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It was for college so I didn’t really enjoy it. But one think I did take away from it was to focus on what we can control. It had something to do with making circles and labeling them our Circle of Influence, Concern and I think there was one more (I may have these all wrong). So when faced with a situation like this I sit down, make my circles and focus on seeing what I can do about the situation and what is out of my hands. It kinda helps brainstorm for solution out of the box. Since your kiddo longs for peer interaction but the neighbor kids aren’t good at it maybe see about play groups with kids like yours or maybe a sport? Just thoughts…sorry so long 🙂

    I remember that book too…and it’s a good reminder. In the back of my mind, I’m starting to understand the criticism of ABA and the move toward RDI, which is kind of where my thoughts came from in this post. We give him the scripts and they don’t work – we need to give him more! And yes, I also need to remember I can’t control how other people raise their kids. 🙂 It just makes me sad.

    Reply

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