More on acceptance, or is it denial?

February 25, 2008 at 4:51 am 2 comments

        I hate birthday parties. They generally are everything C struggles with combined into one event. Eating, waiting (for someone else to open presents), unstructured play, social situations, noise, groups of boys, and mean kids. Navigating the birthday party waters is fraught with potential disasters, most of which occurred today.

     The problem is, C loves everyone. No matter the wrong done to him, everyone is a friend. I love that about him. What I don’t like about it is the future I see for him – being picked on relentlessly. I watched today as a group of boys played a game of tag, and no one was ever “it” except for C. For anyone watching, it looked like he was fully participating in the group; what was really going on was a very subtle form of bullying. He had a blast for awhile, and then he wandered off to play alone.

      The disconnect for me is that I keep thinking because he is so kind-hearted and friendly, kids will want to be his friend despite his idiosyncracies. What I realized is he’s never going to fit into their world. You’d think I was new to his diagnosis, because every time I realize this fact, it hits me like a ton of bricks. It’s not about some desire of mine for him to be popular – I just want him to have friends, so I try to teach him the necessary skills. It’s what he wants. I’m following his lead, and I never want to give up for him or on him. 

     I had an epiphany today, and it wasn’t a particularly pleasant one. I realized my child has autism. I know this in my head, but for my heart it’s always a surprise when it remembers. For all that carries with it, whatever interesting and wonderful things come out of it, it breaks my heart that what he wants the most is probably the one thing that will never come easily to him.

    

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

It can go either way. C-isms

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lookingforlifeshumor  |  February 25, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    I often have a way going on between my head and my heart! Hang in there! Peace!

    Thank you! 🙂

    Reply
  • 2. hfamom  |  February 26, 2008 at 9:20 pm

    I know it’s what you’re supposed to say but– “their loss!”

    Our children can find friendship. J finally has a friend… But, Alex’s mom and I make all the effort. They don’t ask to see each other. They don’t call but, when they are together they have fun…

    Hang in there, Sister! C will have friends– good ones!– not the icky brats who make him “it”! Maybe his teacher (the Saint) could suggest someone? That’s how J got his friend…

    Keep up the good fight– C loves you more than anyone else in his family! 🙂

    And I really believe that it IS their loss. I know I’m biased, but I think anyone that doesn’t know C is missing out!

    Reply

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