The road less traveled

January 31, 2008 at 3:53 am 4 comments

     Sometimes I marvel at how far away I am from what I thought my life would be. I know I am doing “the most important job in the world,” but the cliche doesn’t really assuage the odd disconnect I feel when I read the alumni notes in my college and graduate school bulletins. It’s in those moments when I become painfully aware that I’m not really sure who I am anymore. I don’t know what, exactly, I would be doing if I weren’t raising this child, but somehow I feel as though I’ve completely lost my sense of self. I suppose that’s both the pain and beauty of being a parent, and like everything else about the job, it is magnified with a special needs child. I’m so wrapped up in my child I don’t know where he begins and I end. My brain recognizes the inherent conflict and danger in this, but my heart wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Entry filed under: autism. Tags: , , , .

Stranger Danger Teach and ye shall learn

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. t  |  January 31, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    you are c’s mommy. and that’s a wonderful thing.

    Aw, shucks, T$ (I like the $ that J uses – it’s fitting). I know it’s a good thing…I just need to be better at finding some balance – which is probably why I’m not terribly distressed I haven’t found a pt job yet. For the first time in years I have some time to myself when he’s in school. Not that I’m sitting around eating bon bons (I probably should be), but it feels good to do some organizing and cleaning that I haven’t been able to do.

    Reply
  • 2. awalkabout  |  January 31, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    It’s important, though, to also create that special time for yourself, respite time or a new hobby or something that lets you get away once in awhile. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, but it will help with that feeling that you’re being swallowed alive by C and his needs. It’s much too easy to fall into that hole because they do need everything you can give. Promise yourself to read a book every week. Learn to knit socks. Try a new flavor of tea on a Wednesday night date with yourself, just you and your cup in a small window of quiet. It may not be material for the alumni magazine, but believe me, a lot of them wouldn’t ever understand the kind of success you achieve every day. Their loss.

    I do try to do that – I’m very good about reading books (my escape!!). Thank you SO much for your kind words. I like your perspective on things, and it gives me a nice way to think about my life. I certainly think I’m a good Mom, but “success” is not a word I would’ve used – now I will! 🙂

    Reply
  • 3. hfamom  |  February 1, 2008 at 1:36 am

    Being a full time domestic godess (AKA Mom) isn’t valued by society like it should be!

    Remeber that old movie “You can’t take it with you”? Well, our careers aren’t going to be listed on our tombstones but, odds are that they’ll say something about our children… “Loving Mother”– isn’t that the legacy we want to leave?

    And as J likes to say “that’s all that really matters!”

    (I keep telling myself that I should get a part time job and spend time with grown ups but, heck! I’ve got you! 🙂

    Reply
  • 4. Jesch  |  February 7, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    I’m pretty sure bon-bons have gluten. 🙂

    Reply

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