What We Need

     C is full of enthusiasm. At a recent tennis class, he cheered and applauded every other child in the class whether they’d hit the ball or not. His objective was to hit the ball over the fence, and since he can’t even come close to that, he enjoyed everyone else’s ability to do it instead. “Great shot!” “Good grief, that was high!” “Holy cow!” He clapped, shouted, and jumped around excitedly as he awaited his turn to try to connect with the ball.

     The other parents watching took great delight in him, as adults generally do. The other children in the class looked at him like he was from another planet, averted their eyes and kept their distance. It was in that moment I decided perhaps C is how ALL children should be. Perhaps he has learned the lessons all of us try to teach our children; be supportive, engaged and caring. Applaud your friends’ efforts, good or bad. Take joy in their accomplishments. And most of all, cheer when they hit one over the fence.

     We have lived in many places since C was born, and in each place I have been fortunate to find other families with kids on the spectrum. Of course, that’s easy these days, but what amazes me still is the vast differences in these children. Obviously every child is different, but I find it astounding that two children with the same diagnosis can face such divergent challenges. I think that’s part of what makes it difficult for the parents of these children to find common ground sometimes, and even further, why it is difficult to find a cause and cure. Some things work miracles for some kids while the same treatment may not have any effect on another child. Yet we as parents can and should offer each other support and understanding.  

     I’ve seen critiques of celebrity parents who are just doing what we’re all doing - trying to help their kids in the best way they can. I’d like to cut some of them a break from the rampant criticism that rages across the web, because if nothing else, they are struggling with many of the same issues the rest of us are. In my mind, that brings up much empathy, and if they can help bring some more attention to autism in general, I think it’s wonderful.

     There is so much debate within the autism community about causes, treatments, and vaccines, that I often marvel at the infighting within our own ranks. It reminds me of what’s going on in politics right now, and it saddens me so. With all the criticism, fighting, and barbs flying around, we’ve lost sight of what’s truly important. We all need to remember that it’s always about the children. First and foremost, it’s about them and what they need.