Posts tagged ‘humor’
“Mommy, you should watch channel 598 because it’s a good channel for grown-ups! It’s called ‘Adult On Demand!’”
“I love you, Mom, for all your funniness.”
“I think it’s a boy movie for all the farting.”
“Mommy, how did I get inside you before I was borned? Did you swallow me or something?”
“Daddy, can you teach me to fall asleep as fast as you?”
“How many feet above us do you think God’s throne is?”
To the lifeguard at the pool who gave C a bandaid when he scraped his knee…“Thank you, I think you saved my life.” Followed quickly by, “I want to go somewhere sometime and NOT get bonked.”
* * *
C: “Do Ga and Pa have kids?”
Me: “Yes, C, your Uncle T$ and Mommy are Ga and Pa’s kids.”
C: “No, not you, do they have real kids? You know, kids my age?”
“Mommy, could you get me a little brother?”
As we were driving by the extinct volcano near our house in Ga’s convertible, “If this volcano erupted, would we have to put the top up?”
“Do you pick up stuff on Ash Wednesday because the volcano ash will hurt it?”
“I’m tired of sleeping in my bed.”
“I always like to talk to little people like me.”
“Is there a life cycle for poop?”
“That’s how I like to spend my money. On cheap stuff.”
As he’s observing the hair on his legs, “Mommy? I think I’m getting too haired.”
“Mommy, I think I should just skip 4th grade and go straight on to college.”
Darcy: “Do you want to wait in the car until the bell rings or go onto the playground?”
C: “Let’s sit in the car. What should we talk about?”
Darcy: “Let’s talk about how you are my favorite boy in the whole world.”
C: “We always talk about that. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Mommy, Is Jesus one of Santa’s Elves?”
Darcy: “What did you learn in school today, C?”
C: “Not really much. I knew it all.”
C: “I have to give you a compliment, Mom. You are so precious.”
Darcy: “Thank you.”
C: ”You are a pleasure to be welcome.”
“If you were me and I gave you a bag of eggs and told you to put them away and you didn’t know about eggs what would you do with them?” Umm, where did I put the groceries???!!!???
“I haven’t gone poop in a long time. I’m just storing it up in there.”
“That is awesome. Dog is a math-solving-dog. He knows 1+1.”
After telling C a friend of mine died…“Mommy, maybe you should call that person and see what Heaven’s like!!!!”
“Mom, where’s the back of your head???”
“G’s day was just like Alexander’s. He had a ‘terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.’”
“Mommy, if John F. Kennedy, hadn’t been assassinated, he’d still be alive.”
“Mommy, could you give me some snuggles? Because some tears are about to fall out of me.”
From writing journal with prompts provided…
Outer space….”is a crayon color. Outer space is a place where space men live. The planets are Neptune, Mercury, Earth, Jupiter, Venus, Ploto, Moon. There is Saturn and there is even constillations. There is black holes. There is 16 moons on Jupiter. There are astrodies. There is a milky way. One of my favorite games takes place in space and it’s called Galaga 88.” (By the way, this is EXACTLY how C talks.)
In the future…”is something different.”
A museum…“is where things that are old. A museum is a magnificent place. Some museums have dino bones. Some have old-fashined things. Some have fun stuff. Some museums have art. Some museums have pitures.”
A kitchen in a farmhouse…“would be funny.” (Think on that one, readers. You’ll get it. It took me awhile.)
A dream…”is in you when you sleep.”
From C’s writing journal at school, where the teacher gives them the first part of the sentence and they go on from there:
The saddest day of my life was when…I had a very bad dream. Then I woke up.
When I am twenty-one…I will go to Wheel of Fortune alone. I want more money. I will maybe get a car. I might get one million dollars.
A boy or girl who can’t keep a secret…should keep one.
My family is…very nice. My family is very smart. My family knows everything.
A family with no TV…should have one. They may not want one.
A stowaway on a spaceship…is someone that could not go on. They are not allowed on. They don’t go on. They shouldn’t.
A struggling band…is a band who doesn’t work good.
An amateur spy…is someone who is starting to spy.
A foreign exchange student with his/her host family…would be a person that lives with somebody that lives in a different language.
A person shrunk to one-tenth of his/her size…would be boring.
A clerk…gives you money at the store and you buy stuff.
A boy with a magic baseball cap…can turn into anything.
“Here, Mommy, feel my tummy. Does it hurt?”
“I’m not good at geo-gog-raphy.”
“Mommy, why did the Steelers used to be Uncle T’s favorite team? Is it because he likes stealing?”
At the movie theater, “Is this the place where Abraham Lincoln was shot???”
PA: “C, when I was a kid, I only got a nickel from the tooth fairy.”
C: “What was a nickel worth back then?”
“Mommy, I love ya’ from here all the way to the Highway 70 in Utah.”
“Hurry up and give me a snuggle! My brain is dissolving!!!”
(From class writing work) I wish I were better at…tennis because it is fun. Next week I might hit the teacher again.
“Someone forted at school today. Oh, yeah, it was ME. And it was FUNNY. And it’s spelled f-o-r-t with an e-d at the end of it.” (It took me several moments to figure out he’s finally learned the real word for what we call “tooting.” But leave it to him to put his own spin on it…)
“Mommy, I do NOT know ANY cow language at ALL.”