Posts tagged ‘funny’
“Mommy, you should watch channel 598 because it’s a good channel for grown-ups! It’s called ‘Adult On Demand!’”
“I love you, Mom, for all your funniness.”
“I think it’s a boy movie for all the farting.”
“Mommy, how did I get inside you before I was borned? Did you swallow me or something?”
“Daddy, can you teach me to fall asleep as fast as you?”
“How many feet above us do you think God’s throne is?”
To the lifeguard at the pool who gave C a bandaid when he scraped his knee…“Thank you, I think you saved my life.” Followed quickly by, “I want to go somewhere sometime and NOT get bonked.”
* * *
C: “Do Ga and Pa have kids?”
Me: “Yes, C, your Uncle T$ and Mommy are Ga and Pa’s kids.”
C: “No, not you, do they have real kids? You know, kids my age?”
“Mommy, could you get me a little brother?”
As we were driving by the extinct volcano near our house in Ga’s convertible, “If this volcano erupted, would we have to put the top up?”
“Do you pick up stuff on Ash Wednesday because the volcano ash will hurt it?”
“I’m tired of sleeping in my bed.”
“I always like to talk to little people like me.”
“Is there a life cycle for poop?”
“That’s how I like to spend my money. On cheap stuff.”
As he’s observing the hair on his legs, “Mommy? I think I’m getting too haired.”
“Mommy, I think I should just skip 4th grade and go straight on to college.”
From C’s writing journal at school, where the teacher gives them the first part of the sentence and they go on from there:
The saddest day of my life was when…I had a very bad dream. Then I woke up.
When I am twenty-one…I will go to Wheel of Fortune alone. I want more money. I will maybe get a car. I might get one million dollars.
A boy or girl who can’t keep a secret…should keep one.
My family is…very nice. My family is very smart. My family knows everything.
A family with no TV…should have one. They may not want one.
A stowaway on a spaceship…is someone that could not go on. They are not allowed on. They don’t go on. They shouldn’t.
A struggling band…is a band who doesn’t work good.
An amateur spy…is someone who is starting to spy.
A foreign exchange student with his/her host family…would be a person that lives with somebody that lives in a different language.
A person shrunk to one-tenth of his/her size…would be boring.
A clerk…gives you money at the store and you buy stuff.
A boy with a magic baseball cap…can turn into anything.
“Mommy, I love ya’ from here all the way to the Highway 70 in Utah.”
“Hurry up and give me a snuggle! My brain is dissolving!!!”
(From class writing work) I wish I were better at…tennis because it is fun. Next week I might hit the teacher again.
“Someone forted at school today. Oh, yeah, it was ME. And it was FUNNY. And it’s spelled f-o-r-t with an e-d at the end of it.” (It took me several moments to figure out he’s finally learned the real word for what we call “tooting.” But leave it to him to put his own spin on it…)
“Mommy, I do NOT know ANY cow language at ALL.”
“I played basketball for the first time today. Now I can play for a real team on TV!”
From writing work at school…If I ever get married…“I will have triplets and will marrie S.” (S would be the adorable girl that sits next to C.)
More from writing work…People love me because… “I like to snuggle with my family. Also I am so so so so so cute.”
At home I am… “helping out with so so so so so many chores. Like folding the laundry, open blinds, bring out water. All these chores make me get so much allounce.”
“Do you know what’s on the back of the two dollar bill? Two guys sitting on chairs, I think.”
“Peanuts have two ingredients: peas and nuts.”
“There was a big bang at school today. Did you hear it??? My potato chips exploded. The bag kaboomed all over the place.”
“Mommy, I have no one to play with. Who else can play with me? There’s no one else in my house. All of my imaginary friends are on vacation.”