C-isms XIV

“Mommy, does the ‘MA’ tv rating mean middle-aged?”"

“If there was a tie for President, would they do ‘eenie, meenie, minie, mo’?

“Mommy, I might be the only person in Arizona who can speak bird.”

“Can we watch ‘King Few Pandas’?”

“I know how to speak lots of languages…except Dutch and French. I don’t know those.”

“If I become President, they’ll write a book about me and you can learn all about me, Mom.”

C-isms, Part XIII

From C’s writing journal at school, where the teacher gives them the first part of the sentence and they go on from there:

The saddest day of my life was when…I had a very bad dream. Then I woke up.

When I am twenty-one…I will go to Wheel of Fortune alone. I want more money. I will maybe get a car. I might get one million dollars.

A boy or girl who can’t keep a secret…should keep one.

My family is…very nice. My family is very smart. My family knows everything.

A family with no TV…should have one. They may not want one.

A stowaway on a spaceship…is someone that could not go on. They are not allowed on. They don’t go on. They shouldn’t.

A struggling band…is a band who doesn’t work good.

An amateur spy…is someone who is starting to spy.

A foreign exchange student with his/her host family…would be a person that lives with somebody that lives in a different language.

A person shrunk to one-tenth of his/her size…would be boring.

A clerk…gives you money at the store and you buy stuff.

A boy with a magic baseball cap…can turn into anything.

C-isms, Part X

“Mommy, I love ya’ from here all the way to the Highway 70 in Utah.”

“Hurry up and give me a snuggle! My brain is dissolving!!!”

(From class writing work) I wish I were better at…tennis because it is fun. Next week I might hit the teacher again.

“Someone forted at school today. Oh, yeah, it was ME. And it was FUNNY. And it’s spelled f-o-r-t with an e-d at the end of it.” (It took me several moments to figure out he’s finally learned the real word for what we call “tooting.” But leave it to him to put his own spin on it…)

“Mommy, I do NOT know ANY cow language at ALL.”

C-isms, Part IX

While preparing to give C a reading placement test, his speech therapist read him the instructions. She was required to say three times, “If you come to a word you don’t know, I’ll tell it to you so you can keep reading.” The first two times she said it, C responded, “That won’t happen.” On the third, he said, “I already told you, that won’t happen!”

(Our caller ID showed a certain Presidential candidate’s campaign called, and I overheard C share the exciting news with a playmate the other day.) “Guess who called today? John McCain!!!!”

(Tearfully) “Mommy, can you never give me shoestring potatoes again??? Because they have transfat in them!!!”

(From class writing) The best movie I ever saw was…The Great Discovery, The Thomas Movie. The rating is GENRAL.

When I was a small child…I could not play golf very well.

My biggest goal in life is…to build bigger train sets.

C-isms, Part VIII

“I played basketball for the first time today. Now I can play for a real team on TV!”

From writing work at school…If I ever get married…“I will have triplets and will marrie S.” (S would be the adorable girl that sits next to C.)

More from writing work…People love me because… “I like to snuggle with my family. Also I am so so so so so cute.”

At home I am… “helping out with so so so so so many chores. Like folding the laundry, open blinds, bring out water. All these chores make me get so much allounce.”

“Do you know what’s on the back of the two dollar bill? Two guys sitting on chairs, I think.”

“Peanuts have two ingredients: peas and nuts.”

“There was a big bang at school today. Did you hear it??? My potato chips exploded. The bag kaboomed all over the place.”

C-isms, Part VII

I want to be together forever with you, Mommy. So then you can buy me stuff.

MOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!! THERE’S SOMETHING COMING IN FROM OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND I THINK IT’S IN THE SHAPE OF LIGHTNING!!!!!

I’m a little worried about A’s box of crayons. He doesn’t have the aquamarine crayon.

(As he’s pouring water down his swimsuit trunks) I’m washing my dooder. It’s really dirty. How did it get dirty, C?  It’s been wiggling around a lot and it got really dirty.

Wanna know something cool about me, Mommy? I can read words on a 4th, 5th, and 6th grade level!

Mommy, if I saw you at the store, and you wanted to be selled, how much would you be?

Where did everybody go???

     “Mommy, I have no one to play with. Who else can play with me? There’s no one else in my house. All of my imaginary friends are on vacation.”

Black and white world

     There is very little gray in C’s life. We love to see those moments when the line between black and white has been blurred, but they are few and far between. Subtle humor and plays on words are often not in C’s realm of thinking. It allows for a different kind of humor to play out – one where we enjoy his literalism, and it provides some hilarious moments.

     Recently C and Daddy were playing baseball at the park. As C tried running around the bases, Daddy reminded him to touch home plate. He came around third, sprinted into home, stopped, bent over, and placed his hand on home. There’s no arguing with that logic; he did exactly what Daddy told him to do.

     The other night a mosquito bit C on the forehead, and he was very upset. In order to get him to stop screaming, I told him I’d draw a picture of that mean old mosquito. Underneath the mosquito, I wrote, “Mr. Mosquito, poop on him!” C studied the picture intensely, calming almost immediately. “But Mommy,” he said, “where’s the poop on him?”

     Who needs TV? We’ve got constant, live entertainment, right in our living room.

C-isms, part V

Mommy, why do you think Ms. Mc wasn’t at science night? Maybe she had something else to do – maybe you guys wore her out at school today and she’s already asleep! Do you think she’s dreaming about the boys and girls in her class?  Maybe she’s dreaming about us losing our recess!!!

(From writing journal) The mailman is inpornant to send us and every budy mail.

I can’t find my smile….it’s nowhere to be seen. I will be wearing my sad face for a long, long time.

(From writing journal) Once a puon of time there was a Mom. She was a helpful person.

Can you inside this out for me?

(After stubbing his toe) My toe is clobbered.

Do girls’ breasts just pop out? Does it happen in just a minute?

MOMMY! THERE’S A SPIDER! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!!

(As I’m getting ready to go out to the pool in a bikini…) Mommy, why do you have THOSE breasts on today?

How many babies do you think I should get? Maybe 2 or 3. Or 7. I’ll have to make a big house with 7 rooms. Where will YOU sleep, C?  I’ll share a room with one of my babies. Unless he has the flu. Then I’ll take care of him.

 

The trouble with technology

     We held off on letting C use the computer or play video games for a long time. We knew once he started, there would be no stopping him. Fortunately, because he is a very young 7, he has no interest in or knowledge of the kinds of video games everyone complains about. His loves are Pac-man, Galaga, Dig Dug and Pole Position. The oldies, but goodies.

     Now, anything with technolgy is of interest. He reprogrammed our last remote control so everything (including the words you see on your guide channel) was in Spanish. He did so many things to the remote control that we couldn’t figure out, I felt like I had a direct line to the cable company help desk. At one point the guy on the other end admitted he’d never seen anyone be able to do what C had done to our remote control without actually being an employee of the cable company.

     When C discovered our cell phones, he was hooked. Letting him explore the cell phone became the motivation big enough to make him tolerate a haircut. He’d program in all sorts of non-existent phone numbers and send text messages of the alphabet straight to nowhere. The worst, however, was when Husband’s business manager told Husband he had $50 of not-work-related charges on his work cell phone that month. It took only a few moments to discover C had been downloading games from the internet onto the cell phone, something we didn’t even realize was possible. Husband’s phone became off-limits, and downloading anything, anywhere has now been strictly forbidden. Even worse, the next month, the charges were $70. We discovered he had not only downloaded the games, but incurred the monthly subscription charges for said games as well.

      I see in the future being one of those really dumb sounding parents who say something along the lines of “Well, he was online, but we didn’t know he could be doing THAT!”