What We Need

     If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, but what if it is broke?    

    What do we do when the tools we give our children don’t work? I watched C playing ball with a group of boys the other day, and because he’s so much smaller than the other kids, he could rarely actually get to the ball fast enough. Whenever he did, another boy always wrestled it away from him. He used all the scripts we’ve given him about sharing and asking for his turn, but nothing worked. He ended up in tears on several occasions and I ended up facilitating a sharing game with the group of boys.

     I always come away from these situations frustrated with our interventions, therapies, and parents who don’t instill kindness in their children. I know boys will be boys, and I also know these boys aren’t mean kids, but when one child is the only one being singled out again and again, it crosses a line for me. I encourage C to find something else to do when he’s presented with kids who don’t follow the rules of being nice, but this is largely unsatisfying to him as he so desperately wants to participate. As adults we are able to recognize that if we’re playing with someone who is not being nice, we don’t have to play with that person anymore.

     Our son is very high functioning in terms of the autism spectrum. He is able to communicate (although his comments/topics/comprehension often range from the bizarre to incredibly insightful to just “off”), and he is very, very bright. When I feel down or frustrated with our situation, along comes the guilt because I know how much worse it could be. Again, under the category of things I used to say, falls something I’ve said to myself a million times - “It could be so much worse.”

     Another mom I know, whose child has asperger’s syndrome, replied to a friend who made that statement, “Yes, but it could be so much better.” And she’s right. It could be so much better. I struggle with wishing this disease away and blessing it for making my child the intriguing, wonderful little person he is.